I need to babble. Then I need to sleep.


( what hurts you hurts me too. )

It's only every now and again that I realize just how confusing life can be.
Which is pretty inconvenient, considering I just got everything on the right track.
I'm supposed to be organized, calm and prepared, but so much has happened in the past year that I honestly find it difficult to imagine how much I've changed.
So. I'm making a little list here to help me out some. I gotta get my thoughts in order.

1. talk to mel about the utilities sitch.
2. grow up and shrug off the giggles and screams of  delight I will now need to grow accustomed to that emanate from the basement on my new house. I can only stay bitter because of someone's happiness for so long.
3. on second thought, quit it with the jealousy thing period. get a life.
4. OSAP OSAP OSAP.
5. 300$ tuition fee!
6. WALKS. or something like them. get moving, you lazy bitch!
7. grin and bear the shit Marvic puts you through.
8. smile more.
9. no, really. smile more.
10. socialize? in a good way, not in a trampy way.
11. get over the crush you have on that random guy that comes into the deli every day. he's probably like ... 17. ugh.
12. BOOKS!? what the hell happened to reading for pleasure? get hooked on something good... quick!
13. stop fauning over romcoms. seriously.
14. gossip girl is a guilty pleasure. chuck bass is a guilty pleasure. don't let it melt your brain into horrible teenage mush.
16. FINISH THE DRIVERS BOOK AND GET YOUR G1. fuck.
17. take your time. you have plenty more of it.
18. date with mel! soon!
19. talk to dad more. listen more. stop worrying about him and enjoy what we have.
20. see colm before he leaves. if he leaves. stop worrying. he might not go.

a lot of that didn't make a whole load of sense. not even to me, really. but whatever. keywords help.
just gotta keep going. try not to linger too long.

work, hangouts. work, hangouts. ... work.... hangouts.
I like this regimen of mine. it's cushy. It reminds me of what life used to be like.
I switch it up, too. sometimes I squeeze in a walk. Or dairy queen. sometimes there's beer and hot tubbing.
:D

noww I'm off to work. I'm excited to get the cycle going again.

I have a job.
I have a house.
I have a life.

.... it feels gooood. :)

the end of the year was really tough I'll admit. Not school wise, but... a couple of friends I made may not come back. It's hard to think that the memory of this year will be the only evidence of the effect they've had on my life, and and the good times we had.

I knew I shouldn't have gotten so cozy. Half of them are International students.
Soo... goodbye to:

Felipe (Uruguay)
Jess (Australia)
Jonah ( Carlton place - okay not SO far, but he isn't coming back...)
Paul (Mexico)
Rueben (Mexico)

Some may visit. I certainly hope so.
However on the bright side this year has very probably been the best I've ever had. I went out on my own, lived, met new people learned new things, and hey, I'm not doing too shabby at all! Actually, I'm doing far better in University than I ever did in high school.
Life is really starting to happen.

And what's even better: the friends I have here stood the test of time. They were all still there for me, and even though we were separated, seeing them felt like we never left. I've had a FANTASTIC year and I'm looking foreword to an even better summer.

CHEERS!

Yesterday was pretty frickin' kickass.
went to sopporos with larissa, adam, gwilym and ange
had DELICIOUS all you can eat sushi :D
then went to two second hand cd and dvd stores, found silent hill and paid 3 bucks for it.
AND FOUND SILENT HILL3 the game. Sam and Kristina have been looking for it for AGES
I am a huuge dork, but I'm SO EXCITED TO PLAY IT.
Also, I have decided that I'm saving up (over a long period of time) for Neil Gaiman's Sandman chronicles. (megs, i have you to thank for that. I just read "neverwhere" in graphic novel form, and I loved it! I need to re-read sandmaan!!)
Then i went to the bank with my bursary cheque and the money I had been saving throughout the year and plopped it all into my savings account. Fingers crossed for a big juicy tax return on top of that! I has... almost 2 months worth of rent out of 2. the hunt for a job continues.
I hung out in my room with my friend Amy and we watched Silent Hill, then i met up with larissa, gwilym and adam and played "arkham horror" a frickin SWEET board game involving monsters from H.P lovecrafts works. we played for a good 3 hours.
adam and I went for a snack run, when I won a 25 $ dining card ! whoo!!! my meal card happens to be running low, so I'm hella pleased.

:D

now I just need to focus on my HIST 170 paper
my english paper
and the final drafts of my Ancient History and anthro papers.

then... EXAMS.

I really dont want this year to end, I'm not gonna lie. It has been incredible.
Soon i get to see where I'm going to be living in the summer.
my nu haus has a POOL
:D

I GOT AN 85 ON MY ENGLISH TERM PAPER
WHOOOO

:D

I LOVE YOU KATE WINSLET.
I LOVE YOU TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY.

... fucking amazing.

TONIGHT WAS INSANE.
sooo fucking RANDOM.
AWESOME, but RANDOM.
hoooly fuuuck!

... AAAGHHHH

soo... it's 3:30am.
and I'm just about to hit the sack.
WHEN.

our FUCKING fire alarm goes off.
I swear to baby jesus, I NEARLY had a heart attack. seriously. It was SO FUCKING LOUD.
I jumped out of my skin.

So i grab my keys and cellphone and hurry out into the hallway... and no one was there.
I was panicking hardcore. I just stood there in the empty hallway for a good three minutes, waiting for someone, ANYONE to pop out of their room and join me.
no one did.
I swear you guys, i actually thought that everyone was either on fire, or on fire, and running around as flaming zombies. My heart just about stopped.
don't you love how whenever anything goes wrong, i always blame it on a potential zombie apocalypse? man.
so anyway, I ditched and ran to second floor, where FINALLY, I saw my grumpy, tired looking house mates emerge from their rooms, half of them swaddled in blankets.
We trooped back down to second floor (i was finally starting to calm down) and headed for the emergency exit.
when some girl ahead of me stopped abruptly.

"we can't go this way, I smell smoke."

As soon as she said it, I did too. and I saw it. we ran back the way we came and joined the rest of otonabee heading for the other exit.
once we made it outside, the real chaos began.

"IS THE BUILDING ON FIRE?"
"WHERE'S HOLLY? OUR DON! CAN WE BORROW SOMEONE ELSES!?" (our don... is never ever here. she's always at her boyfriends place.)
"HOLLY TOTALLY LEFT US TO DIE."
"HOLY FUCK IT'S FREEZING!"

of course, I had forgotten my JACKET. typical me.
suffice it to say that after an hour in the freezing cold, numb feet, and surrounded by VERY agitated students, we were allowed back into the building.
ten minutes later, the fire went off AGAIN.
it was a pretty crappy night, to say the least.
I STILL don't know what was burning, but i swear to god, it was probably some fucking pizza pocket wrapper in the microwave or something.

 

New layout
New mood theme!
courtesy of ihmepeikko 
:D

right now
my life
is SO fucked up.
oh well.
it's kind of fun.

It kind of looks like someone attacked my face/hair with a weed whacker.
ugghhhh.

don't panic don't panic don't panic.

i got my anthropology shit handed in literally last second.
I'm pretty proud.
i'm actually kicking ass in that class.
woot.

in other news, I'm letting my friend amy cut my bangs in 1-minus 30 seconds.
i can see it now:

"whoops!"
"what do you mean, 'whoops'??"
"nothing! shut up! you'll be fine!"
*more hair falls*
"oh fuck."

we'll totally be listening to the bedouin soundclash.
at least it might turn out ... unique. hahaha
I'm kinda excited.
I'll update later.
shit, that's her.
haha

WISH ME LUCK. :|

Soo I kind of had a mental breakdown yesterday at home.
i was doing my laundry (cause it's free there!) and my mom and sister were just talking about money for this year and for next.
I don't want to get too far into details, but the reality of my situation is fucking terrifying the hell out of me.
it's always been a worry at the back of my mind that I am in a lot of trouble financially, but it all came out into the open yesterday.
I owed the school over a grand for tuition AFTER osap and AFTER a bursary, and 400$ in bonds my mom put away for me when i was little.
Not to mention the fact that I won't have any security to back my ass over the summer, as i will clearly be working my ass off to pay rent. i have yet to find a job. I always knew I'd need to find a job for the summer, but I figured i could take out a small loan from the bank to cover me just in case anything happened. (if there's one thing I've learned, it's that jobs for me and not dependable.) i don't even get that. no one in my family is eligible to co-sign a loan.
whatever.
I'll live.
but after all that, I'm still very stressed with 4 major essays to do before the end of february. it all seemed pretty heavy. so i snapped. and went through like a box of kleenex. I'm glad I got it out though, it's a lot easier to handle now.
I'm sure everything will work out.
I'm just scared, that's all.
today is my second hardcore library day. i managed to find 10 sources for one of my essays the last day I went, now I just need to write an annotated bibliography and an outline. I'm glad i got some work done.

soo.
I'm sitting in english.
terrible and boring lecture, as usual.
sorting out my financial issues (there are many) and plotting a course of action with which to attack four essays that are all due in the same week.
tomorrow is "sit on my ass in the library and force myself to get work done" day.
friday I'm in the schwa.
saturday I'm back in pete, going to see THE BORN RUFFIANS at the moho downtown.
I put in a bursary application.
sunday I'll probably be downtown handing out resumes.
soon: i will have to take out a small student loan to cover my rent for the summer whilst I work.
MY HOUSE
IS AMAZING.
It's HUEG for one. 3 floors.
the rooms are enormous. big windows in all of them. two bathrooms. dining room, nice kitchen, laundry room, big living room, gas fire place. etc. ALSO: we're allowed to paint. :D
it's gonna be awesommme!
also, we live in a townhouse complex type thing, soo we get the full use of a tennis court (I have rackets!!!) and a SWIMMING POOL.
it's not a student community either, so we don't have to worry about noisy assholes.
it's gonna be SOOO AMAZING.
also, my rent (including heat) is only 340/month.
:D

I signed the lease about two weeks ago.
happy happy happy.

I just have to worry about finding a part - time job, and doing well in school.


aaand my phone just went off and I didn't have it on silent.
whoah heart attack.
hahaha

ANTHROPOLOGY = RAPED.


... yeaaah.

Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Your blood
Your bones
Your voice
and your ghost

We've both been very brave
Walk around with both legs
Fight the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves

but I'll believe in anything
and you'll believe in anything.






ahhh. victory.
Handed in two major papers and did an online test todaay.
Now i just have to worry about exams.
anthro, world history and english.
oh joy.

SOON: freedom. :D

UPDATE.

So i haven't posted in a while.
here's a brief update of my goings on.

TATTOO.
BOYFRIEND.
BIRTHDAY.
Kicked ass on several papers. (83 on my french revolution paper! WHOO!)
loving my classes
went to a party consisting mainly of south americans. whoo, spanish? I've been learning a few phrases, my friend Felipe laughs at me every time I use them. He's been trying to teach me how to roll my R's. hahah.
movie nights galore
my VERY FIRST LEGAL DRINK WAAS: a Pink martini. oh the shame.  (fuck that, it was delicious.)
pulled several all nighters (just for the hell of it)
bought a PS2 with my birthday money and three games. (craaack)
was given a surprise party! Good night!
noticed how my eating habits have changed. for the better. (finally)
was given THE BAND - A MUSICAL HISTORY - *tears of joy*

I can't really think of much else. Tonight will consist of laundry, video games, and editing an essay.
I've been feeling kind of down, because of how much I miss everyone at home.
yes, all of you.
fuck it's ridiculous how dependent I am on you.
I can't wait until exams are over so I can come see all of you.

I miss wal-mart and ice cream.
I miss disney movie marathons.
I miss weird food and even weirder movies.
I miss walks.
I miss trips to value village.
I miss staying up all night eating mr. noodle and playing silent hill.
I miss the park.


.... I miss home? well, not exactly home. but i do miss being in oshawa.

looove.

HALLOWEEEN!
SO EXCITED.
Today, I feast upon delicious sushi with everyone, then movie night/pub night.
Tomorrow, Kandice is coming up! I'm waaay too excited to see her.
Then, we'll be spending all day getting our costumes on and dolling ourselves up
then going to Rubidge Place for our big halloween bash!
I'm shaking I'm so excited.
I have my costume ready for the most part. i just need a rolling pin. :)
and Kandice is being  a Troll. that's too cute.
After the party, the rest of the weekend is free movies, and events in OC. and they all look like a lot of fun.

... eee!
In other news, I got a mid-term and an essay done this week. :)